| Anger | Autism | Confusion | Depression |
| Exercise | Fear | Mental Health | Physical Health |
| Shame | Sleep | Stress | Supporting A Loved One |
Shame can creep in fast during a case. A look from someone in a waiting room, a line in a report, a neighbour’s comment or a story shared online can leave you feeling exposed and small. Shame says “there is something wrong with me” rather than “I did something wrong”, and it pushes people to hide, stop eating well, cancel appointments and withdraw from everyone who could help. It is a powerful feeling, but it is not a verdict and it does not have to run your day.
Start by naming it when it shows up. If your chest drops and you want to disappear, say to yourself that this is shame talking, not proof. Bring your attention back to the room by feeling your feet on the floor and breathing out a little longer than you breathe in. A glass of water, fresh air and a short walk help your body settle so you can think clearly again. After any shaming moment — a tough hearing, a difficult probation meeting, an awkward prison visit or an unkind message — give yourself time to reset before you decide what to do next.
Keep your world small and steady while the feeling fades. Eat something simple, move your body, and do one practical task that anchors you, such as filing a letter, confirming a time, or setting out clothes for tomorrow. Shame grows in silence and guesswork, so reduce the noise. Pick a short daily window for case admin and step away outside that time. Stay off public posts about the case; private rants get screenshotted and usually make you feel worse afterwards.
Choose who gets access to your story. You do not have to explain yourself to everyone. Share the facts only with people who need them and with those you trust. If you are worried about what to say at work, to neighbours, or during appointments, write a two-line script and practise it. Keeping to simple, repeatable words protects your privacy and helps you feel in control. If you support someone who is struggling with shame, keep your tone calm, stick to facts, and suggest a short walk or a cup of tea before you talk about anything heavy.
Rebalance how you see yourself. Cases can squeeze out everything else you are. Make a point of doing small things that remind you of your values and skills — helping a family member, fixing something at home, finishing a short workout, or keeping a promise to yourself to be on time. These acts are not fluff; they are evidence to your own mind that you are more than paperwork and labels. If faith or community are part of your life, connect with the people and practices that lift you without judgement.
Ask professionals for what you need to take part properly. If busy spaces, fast conversations or hostile interactions make shame spike, say so and ask for written information, a quieter room, short breaks or clear next steps. Keep notes of what was agreed. If you are dealing with fines or enforcement, ask for a plain English summary with dates and amounts set out clearly so you are not left filling the gaps with harsh self-talk.
Bring others alongside you. Ask one trusted person to be your check-in contact on difficult days and to come to key appointments to take notes. Agree how they can help when you hit a low patch, whether that is stepping outside with you, reminding you of the plan, or making a practical call on your behalf. If you are the supporter, protect your own rest and boundaries so you do not burn out.
If shame is pulling you towards isolation, self-harm or thoughts that you do not deserve help, reach out early. Your GP can discuss talking therapies and other support. You can call Samaritans on 116 123 for confidential emotional support at any time, text SHOUT to 85258 for free 24/7 text support, or use NHS 111 for urgent mental health help. If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 999.
Shame will rise and fall as the process moves on. It is a feeling, not a fact. Keep your routine, limit the noise, choose your audience, and do the next small thing that fits your values. Step by step, you will feel steadier.
If you have any questions then contact us using the link below.
This page gives general information only. It is not legal advice.